"That's the Story of My Life"

Have you ever said to yourself (in frustration), "That's the story of my life!", when you felt like something was happening to you, yet again, that somehow always ends up happening to you?

I'm seeing, in the work I do every day, that what we are experiencing in that moment is the "story" of our lives, just not in the way we think.  It's a self-disrespectful, self-defeating story we accepted as truth, early in our lives, that our subconscious minds keep manifesting for us, and our conscious minds have been fighting against, ever since. 

I invite you to consider, whenever you feel the frustration of "the story of your life," you are experiencing the diminished side of your Point of You ... getting a glimpse of the possibility you (unknowingly) deny yourself, the possibility you are always seeking and the possibility you most want to bring to others.  When you become aware of this, you will begin to see that the "story" of your life doesn't have to be written the way you've been writing it, and you may rewrite it to come to a more rewarding and fulfilling ending. 

In the "story" of my life, others always tell me:  I am too much.  I think too big.  I get too excited. I move too fast.  I work too hard.  I expect too much.  I take on too much.  I want too much.  I need too much.  I think too much.  I feel too much.  I care too much.  I say too much. And on and on ... too much.

At the same time, in the "story" of my life, I feel and believe:  I am not enough ... even when I do and give everything I can possibly do and give.  And the plot thickens. When it feels to others like my energy is turned all the way up, it feels to me like I'm barely turned on. Unless I'm giving my all, I'm not doing enough, so I keep turning up my dial.  

The "story" of my life always ends the same way:  I am too much.  Therefore, I need to go away ... to disappear.   

In my youth, I was one of those kids who excelled at everything, and I learned to be ashamed of it.  While I wanted to strive to be my best, when I was the best, I was disliked for it. I felt others' pain from "not winning," and the way I responded to this vulnerability was to punish myself, before anybody else could.  Although I received full scholarships to top ballet companies, graduated co-valedictorian in high school and was named the outstanding graduate in the college of communications, I never allowed myself to believe in, nor acknowledge (much less enjoy) my capabilities. My "story" said I didn't deserve them, no matter how hard I worked, because my success hurt others.  

Early in my career, I worked in top tier leading edge companies, that gave me plenty of room to be all I could be. My "story" told me I was never enough, so I worked myself to the bone.  In hindsight, I was promoted early and often because I was capable, but I didn't know it. Impostor syndrome kicked in. I blamed my employers for expecting too much of me, when it was me expecting too much of myself and not allowing myself to see (with vulnerable self respect) how capable I actually was.  When others criticized my "success," I once again felt "too big" and started pulling back. 

From this diminished state of being, I began seeking employment in smaller and smaller companies of all shapes and sizes. I chose organizations whose missions spoke to my heart and my head and where I felt like I could make a meaningful difference by giving them all I had to give.  And my too big "story" returned.  There was so much that I could do and wanted to do, that I never thought I was doing enough.  My heart wanted to help them grow in the ways they said they wanted to grow, and I also needed them to get bigger, so there would be enough room for me. Even though I did make a difference — individuals, teams and companies always grew and experienced greater success than they had before — inevitably I didn't fit, so I'd either choose to leave or be asked to.  

Last year, I finally learned (the hard way) how I keep living this story and manifesting this ending and how to start writing my story differently:  My greatest vulnerability is not "not being enough." It's being more capable than I allow myself to believe, putting myself in relationships that don't have the capacity for all I "am," and then disconnecting from (and disrespecting) others by over-trying to do enough.  

With this awareness and my Point of You, I'm rewriting the "story" of my life. 

What I stand for — in my non-marketing-speak truth — is for each of us to get to liberate and live out the fullest expression and value of our one-of-a-kind existence.  To fulfill on that deep knowing that we are more than we have been allowing ourselves to be.  To get over our vulnerable self-disrespect — with vulnerable self-respect — and bring the possibility to the world that we are here to bring.  

In the new story of my life, I no longer deny myself this possibility.  In fact, my work now begins with allowing myself this possibility, in order to share it with others.  My new story calls me out of the shadows and invites me to get out in front and lead my life to the fullest and help others to choose the same.  When I feel like I'm not being all I can be, I can turn up my dial, step up and choose to create more possibility for myself and others, without railroading anyone.   

While the story of my life may look a little different than the story of your life, my work has shown me that each of us has our own unique stories of self-disrespect. If you listen to your story, you can start to see the possibility you are here to bring, the reason that possibility has been eluding you, and how you can rewrite your story to manifest the ending you most desire.