See Your Joy
What is your Point of You phrase? Get in the picture.
What were you struggling with and/or seeking when we started working together? Before working together, I was struggling with everything in my business. I didn't understand what set my work apart from other photographers. I didn't know how to set my prices. I did a lot of looking to see what everyone else was doing and trying to position myself in the middle. When I did talk about pricing with clients, I felt anxious because I had no confidence behind the model.
What possibility does your Point of You phrase show you that you inherently want to make possible for others? I want people to exist in the world with confidence. I want them to live up to their potential, and not to apologize for everything. I want them to approach tasks with an open mind and not immediately couch their efforts in sentiments like "I've never been great with..."
I'm specifically thinking of a situation where I was training someone at MetroEast to run graphics for a show, and she sat down and said "You want me to proof read the slides? I'll do what I can for a dyslexic person who can't spell." She also expressed at some point near the beginning of our relationship that she was not good with computers. In the end, she ended up being one of the most attentive volunteers I've had in that position and so ready to help out when anyone needed her. When she moved away, she was so very missed for being herself. But she would not have acknowledged that value.
There is a space between self deprecation and being a know-it-all. That space is one in which you are open to what is around you and authentically participating, and where people love you for being who you are. That is the possibility I want for everyone.
What possibility does your Point of You phrase remind you that you subconsciously deny yourself? The possibility of being liked for who I am and not stressing that I'm missing something. Not feeling like I constantly have to figure out the "right" thing - the "best" thing - the thing I'm expected to DO or SAY to earn a person's respect or friendship.
I've been so focused on doing things the objectively best or right way that I've removed my own point of view from how I put myself out there. When I put myself out there in business, I'm doing research to find out what is the right way to market yourself and trying to fit that mold. When I put myself out there in personal circles, I'm looking to those I admire and attempting to emulate them. I see their success and figure that if I model my own actions after theirs I will also be successful. When I approach things from this point of view, I'm denying myself the confidence that I'm valuable for my own way of being, for my own ideas, and for simply who I am. Instead, I'm convinced that I am not good enough as I am and I need to seek outside influence in order to have value.
Please share an example of how your Point of You phrase helps you to manifest new possibility in your work: Kim helped me understand that I was not in the picture in my own business. We talked about my work, the time I spend, and what I love about it. At some point Kim asked a critical question: "Why are you focusing so much on products when the value of what you do is in working with YOU?" I had been charging a small session fee, and trying to make profit from products like prints and digital files and albums. Together, we uncovered the inherent anxiety in this model. The anxiety went away once I shifted the model and started charging a lot more for the "session fee." I now charge enough in the session fee that I don't need them to buy any products. In fact, I empower and encourage them to order their own prints and products using the digital files. This supports my natural desire to be helpful and to teach, while also placing the value on my work. I am now in the picture. People are signing up specifically to work with me.
Please share an example of how your Point of You phrase helps you to manifest new possibility in your personal life: A lot of awareness has come from working with this focused point of view. I have struggled a lot with confidence in my adult life. In my early twenties, my lack of confidence in my own worth was so extreme that I was literally afraid to say hello to someone who had sat next to me in class for a whole semester, because what if I was intruding or they didn't want to talk to me? What if I didn't know the right thing to say next? I didn't want to be seen as nosey, or accidentally overstepping any boundaries. I still worry about that in some situations to this day. Over the last decade or so, though, I've realized many things. I've realized that people (just like me!) like attention. I've learned to recognize that other people sometimes act just like I was prone to. I've learned to see that just because they aren't actively engaging with me doesn't mean they don't want a relationship. In fact, relationships are built through that engagement. People like being asked about themselves. I still struggle with this concept. If I post something I think is cool, or feels vulnerable, on social media and very few people respond to it I immediately worry that I'm not good enough. If this meant something to me but nobody else connected with it, maybe I'm not connecting with the "right" things. My Point of You phrase reminds me that I am valued for my own perspective and for who I am and has made it easier to let those things go.
How has awareness of the Point of You changed the way you approach your life and work? I try constantly to notice when I'm feeling anxious and use that as a cue to focus in on myself. I find frequently that my anxiety comes from a feeling of not knowing the "right" answer. The "right" answer being the one that is expected of me by someone else. When I take a step back and shed that feeling of having to find a single "right" answer that will please someone external, it allows me to focus back on what will nourish me. When I step into my own needs (put myself back in the picture) I'm able to get rid of the anxiety of pleasing others, and instead focus on what I know to be the right answer for myself.
What new possibility are you allowing yourself this year that both scares and excites you? I'm allowing myself to build friendships in my life that are centered around being human and authentic together. In these new relationships, I am doing my best not to focus on what is expected of me and instead to show up with what brings me joy. I'm trying to accept that if I show up in joy, that will be enough. I'm trying to accept that people will like me for being myself - that these true relationships will lead to doing from a place of confidence and not the other way around.